Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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