his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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