WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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