I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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