I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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