I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
