he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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