Whod you bang
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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