you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
