you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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