The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
