so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
