i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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