i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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