I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
