Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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