I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
