The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Randomize
