Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
