I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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