I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway