GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.