Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too