Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.