Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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