she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse