i just google imaged poop.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.