Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
