Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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