I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you win again, gameday.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
