You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You are a genius and a whore.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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