I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
