Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think my moral compass just broke
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
