Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Girls should come with a carfax report
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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