he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
And then he peed in my hair
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