Your mouth is God's brothel.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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