u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
