Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
