He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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