BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
