So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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