Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
