If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
