i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
