Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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