so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
