Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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