My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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