Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
