Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This is the high leading the old right now
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
