you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
