Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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