We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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