You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
