He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
