i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
two words...techno handjob
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
