I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
