He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
