hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
