My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
