The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
