you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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