And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
