Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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