if you like me you must not know who I am
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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