when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
