Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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