I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
