i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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