My nipple is on Facebook.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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