FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
