Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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