i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize