she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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