Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
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In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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