You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
