I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
